I work out.

okay. okay. that was cheesy.
But as of now I do!
Mom signed me, her, and my sister up for this new place in Ringgold called 'The Journey'
It's just for women, so I'm not embarrassed. And they have all different classes at different times during the day. We did Buns and Abs tonight! I really think i'm going to like it. I'm not gonna post my weekly weight loss, because I don't know my weight, nor do I want to. I don't care about numbers, I care about being able to play with Emerson, being able to be healthy, and teaching my daughter healthy eating habits. Let's hope this works! Gotta get healthy! Here's the link to the place --> http://journeyfitnesscenter.com./

To Find Peace.

Because I'm still not at peace with Emerson's birth, I'm still mourning, and I still have flairs of PPD and even PTSD. Because I'm still not healed, I'm still going to write about it. I see moms, new, old, and expecting say things like it's not that bad, it will be okay, well I just don't see why you had a c section. And it hurts. It cuts deep, real deep. I see moms who birth these 5lb, 36 week babies and say it's no big deal. Their babies are fine, and they had the birth they planned. No they're not fine. I cannot stress enough, the maturity and development a baby born at 40 weeks has compared to a baby born at 38. People tell me all the time that Emerson is advanced, I say thank you, But in reality I want to say, NO. She's NORMAL. Born post-40 weeks is NORMAL. Have they never thought that maybe, the 40 week baby is not advanced, it's the 38 week baby that is slow. This may offend some people. But quite frankly I don't care. I'm tired of people telling me my child is advanced, but don't attribute or think enough that maybe, it's because she was born post-40 weeks. Not because I didn't feel like shit the last 2 months of pregnancy, not because I was perfectly in shape, and not because my doctor refused to induce me, It was because I knew it was vital to keep a child in as long as they want to be. I'm just so tired of see of people at 36 weeks complaining and wanting to be induced. Did you know the brain is 1/3 of the size at 35 weeks as it is at 40 weeks? Yepp, but those babies are fine. They breath and eat, so they are fine. But what about the long term effects, what about when that child start school? What about when that child tries to get into college? Are we too uncomfortable those last few weeks to disregard our children's future? I'm sorry, but there are too many benefits to keep a baby in for you to tell me your just to uncomfortable. That is my rant. I've come to realize my depression flairs up when someone close to me has a child. If they have a c section I pity them, I understand how bad the pain is, and helpless you really are. If they have a vaginal birth, I'm jealous, that's what I wanted, wish for, and mourn for. But if I had to do it all again, I would not change a thing. I kept her in for as long as I could, and I firmly believe that gave her the best start to life, to a great future. And I would not change her well being for anything. It just makes me mad when people do not realize the importance of keeping the babies in the oven. But we are products of our experiences, we only do what we know. When we know better, we do better.

when good comes so does bad.

Well we got home from our trip last night, and we had a blast! We didn't get there until about 10 our time so we pretty much went straight to bed once we go to my Aunt and Uncles. Then Friday, we went to my cousins condo and swam, Emerson loved it! She floated the whole time! 

Friday night, we had a cookout at my uncles and pretty much my whole family was there and it was fun just to catch up! Saturday we went to the zoo! Up there, there taxes pay to run the zoo, so it's completely free to the public! We only stayed like 3 hours because it was soo hot! Emerson really didn't know what was going on, but she was so good thruout the entire time! They had a snake exhibit which my 5 year old cousin loved! They were in glasses, and emerson loved looking in the glass, we think it's cause she can see her reflection but it was still fun! Sunday we went to my cousin's birthday party and then just hung out with family! We tried to get a picture of all the little ones, but Caden (13 mo) was pitching a huge fit, Emerson (6 mo) kept trying to pull Annie's (5 weeks) hair and Annie was screaming. So we didn't get a picture haha. Then we came home!
And today we got a letter in the mail, saying we did NOT get into the program, for Emerson to go to daycare while i'm at school. So right now we're very unsure of how this fall is going to go and how we're gonna make it work. Hunter has classes every single day, but he's trying to change it. But we're just not sure. So we're just trying to weigh our options of what is best for Emerson, ourselves, and our education.

not so wordless wednesday

Well, Emerson's feeling so much better! We went to the doctor because her fever was 102.2  and then they said it was just a reaction to her shots. But i do think most of y'all were right, i think I'm starting to feel her left bottom tooth so maybe it will pop soon!
Tommorow we leave for 'vacation'. We're going to St. Louis were my mom's family lives too visit them! Only a few of them came down when Emerson was born so it will be the first time she gets to meet them! Plus, two of my cousins have had babies in the past year that I haven't gotten to meet yet so i'm excited to see all the babies we've added to our family! It's an 8 hour drive so hopefully Emerson will enjoy it! :)

My View

at the moment, and pretty much all day, we've been in this chair. Why? my guesses.

Allergies.
Bad Reaction to Shots.
or She's Getting Sick.


But really I have no clue.

No fever, but she's had tylenol. Runny nose. Watery Eyes. Lots of drool. and being so fussy it's pitiful. So we're checking her temp every hour and doing lots of cuddling. Poor sick baby :(

6 month check up

Today Emerson had her 6 month well check/shots :( But it went real well!

Diet: Usually a 5 oz bottle, and about 2 jars of baby food a day! Mostly just fruits or vegies! But we have been giving her like pieces of little fruit, such as watermelon or cantaloupe!

Weight: 16 lbs 10 oz! hasn't quite doubled her birth weight yet. but she's in the 50th percentile!

Height: 26.5 inches,  75 percentile!

Favorite Toys: She loves balls! and keys! She also loves her johnny jumper! she likes swinging from it.

Active: She's sitting up and rolling everywhere! not quite crawling yet, but she tries pulling up on things!

Sleep Habits: Not good? hah. She still goes to bed around 9:30, but wakes up about 3-4 times because her paci fell out, and then sometimes we have to cuddle her back to sleep.

Over all her doctor's visit was great! Her doctor told me that I needed to start feeding her baby food while we eat, so she'll get into the routine of 3 meals a day! And she also asked me if she was rear facing (well, duh!) and then she proceeded to tell me that it's now recommended to keep them rearfacing for well over a year! Which surprised me because most doctors are just like well as long as they're 22 lbs. But it went great! It was the first time hunter got to go with us, because he didn't have to be at work until 4. After the appointment we went to Pie Slingers, a pizza place where hunter's friends work, so we got free lunch! and it was yummy! Then we came home, and Emerson has been asleep for about an hour! :)

Sorry for the Silence.

This has been a rough week. I've always struggled with pretty bad anxiety. But when I got pregnant, a lot of it went away. After I had Emerson, I showed no signs of postpartum depression. Until, I quit breastfeeding. I quit at 8 weeks, so 2 months. I then, mainly got depressed, because I felt like I had failed my daughter. I never told my doctor, because honestly I'm afraid to admit it. I'm not one to take a lot of medicines. So I didn't bring it up. After I began looking into why I had a c-section, I began stressing. Add the fact that I went back to school full time and my parents are in the middle of a divorce and I've been pretty stressed out. Well within the past week, my anxiety is back. I'm nervous to leave the house, then I get stressed that I'm staying here too long, then I randomly get nervous that hunter will leave. I'm just anxious all the time. I'm always on edge. I know what triggered it. I haven't had a period since may. So as of yesterday, I've missed two. I've switched birth control (which has made me gain a lot of weight). But I've taken two tests so I don't think I'm pregnant. But just the thought that I could've been has made my anxiety come back and i'm just trying to snap back. It's been a rough week and I'm trying to get out of the rut. I've got to go back to the doctor in a few weeks so I think I'm gonna try to get an IUD because we cannot get pregnant right now and I'm just so scarred I will. I've just been on edge. So sorry for the silence. I've got some posts planned so stay tuned!

family traditions

yesterday we got Emerson's pictures made in the "yellow dress". This dress was made for my mom, by her aunt when she was a baby, even though we can't find the picture of my mom in it. But ever since my mom was born every girl in my family got their picture made in it. My mom's daughters and nieces. But Emerson was the first granddaughter! It was a special moment and emerson enjoyed every moment of it. Here's some pics!

and some outakes....

Emerson, my mom, Me, and my sister :)

3 generations of girls

bittersweet.

Well today marks July 2nd, which was the deadline for many things. It was the deadline when we were supposed to be moving into an apartment. We were supposed to have sold the truck by now. And it was the day I had to go to the school to talk about daycare. I don't really talk about my future plans all that much, because honestly, I am doing what I've always wanted to be doing, being a mom, specifically a stay at home mom. Since, I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was take care of babies, cook, and grocery shop. It's what I love doing. I am so thankful to be able to be doing it right now. But as we all know, in the economy, it's selfish for me not to go to college. Although, I do not want to. Hunter's really smart. He's going to a university on a full ride (we got lucky). He's majoring in mechanical engineering. That's his thing, scholastic's, science, books. Me, I'd rather take care of a home. But while he's in college and grad school, I need a job, a good enough job to support us for a few years, so I'm going to a 2 year tech school. I'm not ashamed of that, so many people are, I'd just rather not go. But I know I have too. But anyway, I had to go today, because my adviser told me about this program, that helps low income families pay for childcare while the parent attends school. Which is something we need, since I'm about halfway thru college, I have to go Tuesdays and Thursdays 9am-3:30pm and Wednesdays 9-11am. Hunter has no control over his schedule, and will most likely go every single day. Therefore it's gonna be pretty hard to alternate, even though he's requesting to only have MWF classes. So we applied for this program, but since my parents claimed me on their taxes last year, because I didn't have a child yet, we have to include their income on it, even though, they pay nothing for Emerson (they shouldn't) or us, we pay our groceries, and such. But we still have to count their income, which means we probably wont qualify for the program. So that means Emerson probably wont be going to daycare this fall. Which I'm happy about, but we're not sure what the plans are for the fall. We're hoping and praying that hunter will only have MWF classes, and his sister (She's an ER nurse so she only works 3 12-hour shifts each week) can keep her on Wednesday morning until I get out of class. So cross your fingers! But we're still applying for the program, but probable wont get it. But I know that whatever happens will be what is best.

Her favorite toy at the moment, she rolls all over to chase it if it rolls away.