Tuesday, July 24, 2012
To Find Peace.
Because I'm still not at peace with Emerson's birth, I'm still mourning, and I still have flairs of PPD and even PTSD. Because I'm still not healed, I'm still going to write about it. I see moms, new, old, and expecting say things like it's not that bad, it will be okay, well I just don't see why you had a c section. And it hurts. It cuts deep, real deep. I see moms who birth these 5lb, 36 week babies and say it's no big deal. Their babies are fine, and they had the birth they planned. No they're not fine. I cannot stress enough, the maturity and development a baby born at 40 weeks has compared to a baby born at 38. People tell me all the time that Emerson is advanced, I say thank you, But in reality I want to say, NO. She's NORMAL. Born post-40 weeks is NORMAL. Have they never thought that maybe, the 40 week baby is not advanced, it's the 38 week baby that is slow. This may offend some people. But quite frankly I don't care. I'm tired of people telling me my child is advanced, but don't attribute or think enough that maybe, it's because she was born post-40 weeks. Not because I didn't feel like shit the last 2 months of pregnancy, not because I was perfectly in shape, and not because my doctor refused to induce me, It was because I knew it was vital to keep a child in as long as they want to be. I'm just so tired of see of people at 36 weeks complaining and wanting to be induced. Did you know the brain is 1/3 of the size at 35 weeks as it is at 40 weeks? Yepp, but those babies are fine. They breath and eat, so they are fine. But what about the long term effects, what about when that child start school? What about when that child tries to get into college? Are we too uncomfortable those last few weeks to disregard our children's future? I'm sorry, but there are too many benefits to keep a baby in for you to tell me your just to uncomfortable. That is my rant. I've come to realize my depression flairs up when someone close to me has a child. If they have a c section I pity them, I understand how bad the pain is, and helpless you really are. If they have a vaginal birth, I'm jealous, that's what I wanted, wish for, and mourn for. But if I had to do it all again, I would not change a thing. I kept her in for as long as I could, and I firmly believe that gave her the best start to life, to a great future. And I would not change her well being for anything. It just makes me mad when people do not realize the importance of keeping the babies in the oven. But we are products of our experiences, we only do what we know. When we know better, we do better.