I know I've been on a rant...

but people are getting on my nerves.

I can't log on to facebook anymore with out seeing ignorant comments with the things people do with their children. I get it. It's their children, so they have the right to do what they want. I just wish people who do more research on why they parent the way they do.

This morning I logged on to facebook while Emerson was still asleep, and saw a girl I went to middle school with post this.

I hope y'all can see this well, It really made me mad. Because I'm planning a VBAC for our next baby and really looking into the choice of an HBAC. I just hate to see ill-informed parents judge others who have done their research. Home births typically have way less interventions and consequently better outcomes than hospital births. While I understand VBACs CAN be dangerous, It really depends on your situation, but I believe doctors usually just don't want to deal with the mother, and just automatically make them have another c-section. (I know my doctor does. My 6 week prenatal appointment I had to sign a release form saying if I had a c-section once, I would have to have them for the rest of my children(I will be switching doctors)). Another Ignorant, (I use the word ignorant because their not stupid, they just haven't done all their research (well any for that matter) and therefor they just don't know any better) comment this girl makes is "If you must "go hard". go natural at a hospital" Have you ever tried natural labor at a hospital?  Obviously not. It's nearly impossible. Nurses are constantly bombarding you with "When do you want the epidural" "your not getting an epidural" epidural, Epidural, EPIDURAL. Your on constant monitoring, strapped to the bed, you get judged if by chance you want to just squat on the floor, or sit on the toliet. You can't eat, meaning you have no energy when the time comes to push. It really is nearly impossible to "GO HARD" at a hospital. At least around here it is, I've heard of great hospitals other places. But really this post just hits home and I know I will be facing more of this ignorant judgement when we decide to have another child. But the fact that it's appropriate for people to judge other peoples choices, is just sad. Though yes, I do judge people who choose to get induced, have elective c-sections, or not even have the will to try to for a VBAC. It's not because I hate those people or think their selfish, it's because I know they haven't done their research. They just don't know any better. When you know better, you do better. But as a parent, it's your responsibility to know better, to research, stay up to date with the latest medical advances, and to question your doctor, your doctor gets a lot more money with a c-section than a vaginal birth, so no wonder many don't suggest V-BACs. My rant is over, and it's just sad that people do not have enough intelligence to go back to nature, and look into alternatives.

When your mourning your birth.

Five months ago tomorrow I was going in to be induced. That wasn't the plan. 17 hours later, I was getting an epidural. That wasn't the plan. 7 hours after that, I was being prepped for a c section. That wasn't the plan. An hour later, my daughter was born, and the doctor cut her cord. That wasn't the plan. She wasn't placed on my chest. That wasn't the plan. I didn't get to breastfeed right away. That wasn't the plan. So what do you do when your birth turns out the complete opposite than what you had longed for, dreamed of, and wanted? I still don't know. Every few weeks someone on my Facebook, announces their getting induced (typically at 38-39 weeks). It makes my sad, why? You don't have to! You don't need to! Why do we not trust our bodies to do what we were meant to do? It saddens me. But those are other girls, who probably did not have the knowledge, or did not do their research. But I did. So how did I end up with a horrible labor? Why did I end up with a c section? To be honest, it hurts, it hurts in so many ways. To not be able to birth a baby vaginally, let alone, naturally. For my body not to be able to do what it was made to do. And here we are five months later, and I still have not GOTTEN OVER IT came to terms with it. Honestly, I don't think I ever will. For 9 months, I planned this natural birth, I felt empowered, I felt in-tune, and in 31 hours all my planning, prepping, and preparing went down the drain. Then, I hear all the time "Well, since you've had one c section, you'll have to always have c sections" NO. I do not. It's called a VBAC and I wish there was more support. I wish that there was doctors and hospitals that were more pro- VBAC than pro-c section. But there isn't, not in the Chattanooga Area, and especially not in North Georgia, and it sickens me. It sickens me to know that unless I move, and even then, I probably have no hope to have a vaginal birth in the future, and that depresses me. I didn't want this the first time, and there is no way I'll put myself thru it again. My doctor told me "Well if you couldn't push a baby out the first time, you'll probably won't be able to your second baby". And that was when I lost all faithfulness in this doctor. But I can't think of birthing a second baby into this world, when i'm still mourning the first. But what do you do? When your mourning your birth? What can you do? All I know is, it hurts and no one truly understands what I went thru am going thru. When people tell me, "You don't know what labor is like you had a c section" "oh you just had a c section" "you don't know the pain, you had a c section". It hurts. No one understands. I went thru 17 hours of natural labor and 7 more hours of exhaustion, for what? To have my uterus sliced open. And I still cannot not grasp on why it happened? Why me? I wasn't like most young moms I know. I did my research. I made it to, and past 40 weeks. So why am I the one who ended up with a c section? And why can I not come to peace with it. I know that, I am still just as much as a mother. I know that I still got the most precious thing in the world. But I'm still mourning, too.